Posts Tagged ‘Why Women Shouldn’t Take Men Shopping’

Why Women Shouldn’t Take Men Shopping

December 24, 2009

Wow, two blogs in a row? And, during the holidays no less!? Yep, that’s just the way I Rolo. (Weren’t those just the bomb back in the day? 😛 ) I even have another blog queued up for tomorrow, so trifecta hurr we come!

Anyway, this one’s for all y’all procrastinators out there! If you find yourself needing to shop today, on Christmas Eve, you must be outcho damn mind! 😉 But seriously, if you need to do a little last minute action, here’s a funny forward I received from a co-worker, to help get you in the mood. Enjoy!

Why Women Shouldn’t Take Men Shopping

Dear Mrs. Sugimoto, (name changed for realism 😉 )

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Sugimoto, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away”. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?” EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

And last, but certainly not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.” One of the clerks passed out.

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Talk to me!
* In the comment area below, post another funny thing “Mr. Sugimoto” could do at the store above. Be as creative as you can…

One more day ’til Christmas y’all! The post for tomorrow will contain more funnies. Until then… Shoots!