Posts Tagged ‘murse’

The Curse of the Murse [Guest Blog by frankie]

March 16, 2010

frankie
by frankie

So, the other day The Frankie was rollin’ through the Las Vegas MGM hotel with a gangsta lean and was gobsmacked and mortified by the scene before him… a man carrying his woman’s purse!

Full disclosure: The Frankie has been known on occasion to “protect” his wife’s purse for her while she’s, ahem, powdering her nose at a public restroom. It’s a matter of simple courtesy! (And besides, like learning to squeeze your butt cheeks together before every sneeze, being kind to your woman is an essential survival skill when it comes to navigating the treacherous waters of relationships.) However, this homie was holding her purse and walking with it while she strode aside him simultaneously empty handed and yet with both hands holding a death grip on his boiled eggs. I instantly poured a little liquor on the ground from the 40 oz. I was carrying in honor of yet another ninja lost to the curse of the Murse a.k.a. the Male Purse.

Editor’s note: the current use of the term Murse in this post is not to be confused with the term murse, which can be applied to male nurses, male curses (such as David Hasselhoff) and male purses (large bags designed for men), because this Murse is not a purse for men, but rather a Male Purse accessory for women.

Note the distinction, my friends and frenemies, because trust me when I tell you that it is better to be an asset rather than an accessory. While there is never a relationship that is truly equal, you would rather have the balance be 51% vs. 49% instead of 90% vs. 10% because in order to love her, you must also be able to love yourself first. And you can’t love yourself if you cease to exist. So, my ninjas, are you a Murse? Here’s a little quiz! You get one point for every “yes” answer to the following questions:

  1. Instead of painting her nails, does she paint yours?
  2. Have you ever changed the TV station from a college football or basketball game without her asking you to when she sits down on the couch next to you?
  3. Do her girlfriends ask you for dating advice?
  4. Have you ever participated in a Bikram Yoga or Pilates session?
  5. Have you had a slice of vegetarian pizza in the past month?
  6. Did you ever do the fast clapping part in the “Friends” TV show theme song?

Results!

  • 0-1 points – See you at the next BJ Penn fight. IMUA!
  • 2-3 points – Sorry, friend, but the store is called Ann Taylor, not Mann Taylor
  • 4-5 points – OMG! When is the Sex and the City sequel coming out?!
  • 6 points – Nice Hello Kitty tattoo there, son!

But all kidding aside, homies, you do not want your life to be relegated to that of an accessory. One of the purposes of a relationship is to push your wife or girlfriend to be a better person and you cannot do that if you are spending all of your time under her feet instead of by her side. You also do not want to wake up one day and find yourself unfulfilled with the life of a Murse.

So be strong, my ninjas. Beware the curse of the Murse! The next time a girl tries to make you into a Murse, pretend like she’s a girl who shops at Hot Topic and run for your life!

The Guest Blog Schedule:

  • THU 03/11 – Chicken Grease – “TheGrease and TheBus”
  • FRI 03/12 – kuya.d – “I’m So Over It”
  • MON 03/15 – JMAW – “Something like a Phenomenon”
  • TUE 03/16 – frankie – “The Curse of the Murse”
  • WED 03/17 – kako mochi – “Where in Oregon is kako mochi?”
  • THU 03/18 – tweetpeep22 – “Online Dating Follies – Female Perspective”
  • FRI 03/19 – S-Ticket – “Online Dating Follies – Male Perspective”
  • MON 03/22 – tita leerz – “The Hawaii Visitor’s Survival Guide”
  • TUE 03/23 – skycastles – “Otanjoubi Omedetou Gozaimasu Kurosawa-sama!”
  • WED 03/24 – hemajang – “Where in Hawaii is hemajang?”
  • THU 03/25 – uncle jimmy – “Grab One, Leave One, and Get Reel…”

Bag Ladies

September 13, 2008

In a convo with a couple of lady friends at work the other day, the topic of shopping bags came up. As I rolled my eyes, sighed, and looked at my watch a few dozen times, they gossiped away on the intricacies of these bags. Pshaw, as if there were any intricacies to talk about. Ain’t it just about holding thangs? They edumacated this apparently clueless boy…

It all started when Erin brought 3 parasols (for me to take home to the woman) in a larger than life Sephora bag. I swear it was big enough for 20 parasols. Honestly, for a second there, I thought she was just trying to embarrass me because it was so ridiculously HUGE. I soon realized that it wasn’t a joke and that I should’ve been grateful to her for sacrificing one of her favorite bags for/on me.

One of the many... *sigh*
One of the many… *sigh*

Diane chimed in, “Yeah, don’t you know how important bags are?”

As they continued to gossip about bags and make their rather odd fetishes for them apparent, I wondered off in my own head as their voices turned into Charlie Brown’s teacher.

Suddenly, it hit me. This HAS to be a blog post. I’ve gotsta put this to a vote to all y’all to see if these two women are just crazy bag ladies or if I’m just an oblivious guy.

I mean the lady saves and organizes bags at our crib, and, I guess, now that I think about it, mamasan saves bags she gets from Japan, so there could be something to it, but really, isn’t a bag just a bag?

Erin and Diane continued… even emphasizing the importance of the handle (material, length, etc.), and how big and how fashionable the bag itself was. If one was “ugly,” it would go right inside the “prettier” (and I quote) bag. *rolling eyes*

If there really was some “trufe” to this, and I were in charge of marketing for a store, you can bet I would pimp out our line of bags to encourage more foot traffic. The handle would be covered with moisturizing lotion, made of soft, furry velvet and long enough for some over-the-shoulder action. The bag itself would be large (and in charge) and would be covered in glittery rhinestones or sparkly diamonds. That’s right, other stores… Don’t hate! Inside, there would be multiple pouches for phones, makeup stuffs, keys, and those other mysterious things you hold, and to top it all off, there will be Big LVs or Cs all ova the outside. Shmall kine copyright infringement, but what the h*ll. 😛

But why stop there? I’ve already got the “bag lady” market cornered! I would next go for the man bag population, son! This would bring an entirely new demographic into to my awesome store. These disposable murses would have rough leather or rope/lasso handles, connected to weighted dumbbells. Inside, there’d be an area to spit our tobacco and store our goatee grooming comb. There’d be a butterfly knife pocket for good measure. On the outside, there’d be imagery like a skull and crossbones or some athlete or sports car. And to top it off, there’d be real chest hair glued on the back. Oh yeah!

*POOF*

OK, maybe not. Go ahead, we’ll let you ladies have the bag market. I’ll be perfectly fine if a store gave me a garbage bag to lug my stuff home in. As long as da buggah holds up ’til I get home. Maybe I’ll keep that one until Erin or Diane needs something from me… 😉

Da Bag Ladies Erin and Diane
Da Bag Ladies Erin and Diane

Talk to me!
* Are you a bag lady? Why?
* Is your woman a bag lady?
* Are you a bag man? Why?
* Name the stores that have your favorite bags! I know ya got um! 🙂