Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

I’m A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part II)

November 29, 2010
Part I |  Part II 

Are y’all stuffed from all that turkey? Well kick off your shoes, lean back, loosen that belt, and get ready for some belly shakin’ laughter!

Here’s Part II of last week’s hilarious “I’m a Man, I Can Fix That!” post forwarded to me by mamasan. Don’t forget to post your captions and comments for your favorite ones!


(continued from last week…)

Car imported from the wrong country? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #11 Caption Here]

Satellite go out in the rain? I can fix that! (maybe they should’ve considered Oceanic Time Warner Cable! 😛 )

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #12 Caption Here]

Electric stove broken & can’t heat coffee? I fixed that.

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #13 Caption Here]

Wiper motor burned out? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #14 Caption Here]

WTH?

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #15 Caption Here]

Display rack falling over? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #16 Caption Here]

Desk overloaded? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #17 Caption Here]

Car can’t be ordered with the “Woody” option? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #18 Caption Here]

Exhaust pipe dragging? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #19 Caption Here]

Gotta feed the baby AND do the laundry? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #20 Caption Here]

Cables falling behind the desk? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #21 Caption Here]

No skate park in town? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #22 Caption Here]

and – last but not least – – – –
Out of diapers? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #23 Caption Here]

I wonder if I was supposed to preface that last one with NSFW? Ahahahaha!

A-ight gangy. Post your comments/captions below… and don’t forget to have a Happy Fun Day Monday! Shooooots!

Part I |  Part II 

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I’m A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)

November 22, 2010
 Part I  | Part II

How’s the start of the week shaping up so far for you guys? Hope it’s good yo! If not, hurr’s a lil’ sumthin’ sumthin’ to cheer you up!

Recently, mamasan forwarded this one to me and I thought it’d be perfect for us for Fun Day Monday! Enjoy!

Don’t have a spoon? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #1 Caption Here]

Seatbelt broken? I can fix that! (Is that a neck brace you have on?)

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #2 Caption Here]

New TV too big for the old cabinet? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #3 Caption Here]

No bottle opener? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #4 Caption Here]

Room too dark using compact fluorescents? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #5 Caption Here]

Electrical problem? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #6 Caption Here]

Car stereo stolen? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #7 Caption Here]

Bookshelf cracking under the weight? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #8 Caption Here]

No ice chest? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #9 Caption Here]

Can’t read the ATM screen? I can fix that!

I'm A Man, I Can Fix That! (Part I)
[Insert Image #10 Caption Here]

(to be continued next week…)

Too funny yeah? Post your comments/feedback on your fave ones above or make up some funny kine captions for all of um below! Shoots den!

Happy Fun Day Monday y’all! Have a great week!

 Part I  | Part II

=============================================================

My Blog
:: My Blog ::
(Random stuffs)
My Facebook
:: My Facebook ::
(Add a brutha! 😛 )
My Job
:: My Job ::
(Road Runner Mobile)

=============================================================

Fun Day Monday: You Know You’re NOT Local If…

April 26, 2010

A little over a year ago, we had an active discussion about how you can tell if someone is “local” or not. In fact, I believe it was the first time we hit triple digits (in comments) up in this heezy. In case you missed it, chicky chicky check it: You Know You’re Local If…

There were several moments this weekend when I saw peeps acting supah “non-local” and it made me want us to chat up about it this week. So let’s see what our WWE `Ohana can come up with ah?

You Know You’re NOT Local If…
(Need help? Click here or here.)

I’ll start:
* You wear matching aloha wear from head to toe (and think it looks cool).

Easter Funnies

April 4, 2010

I know it’s a Sunday and nobody’s here, but…

Happy Easter y’all!

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

World Wide Ed
Easter Funnies

Have a safe and Happy Easter celebrating with family and friends! See you tomorrow! 🙂

Fun Day Monday: Wrong E-mail Address

March 29, 2010

Sorry gangy, still in vacation mode and will probably have CHOKE stuffs to catch up on today, so I’m posting a “funny” today – for Fun Day Monday – that I got via email. Hope you enjoy!

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong E-mail address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.

Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her E-mail address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address.

Meanwhile … Somewhere in Houston …. A widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her E-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends….. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2005
Subject: I have arrived!

Dearest Love:

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send E-mail to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

PS . It sure is freakin’ hot down here.

Pretty funny yeah? The ironic thing was that I had no idea who the sender of this joke was, so they actually had the wrong email address for me as well. Well, either that or it was some elaborate, new spamming method that I don’t know about. LOL!

Anyway, a big mahalo to da 11 guest bloggers (click here if ya missed it!) and to the rest of y’all for keepin’ thangs rollin’ while I was MIA. Hope everyone had fun!

Have a great week gang! 🙂

Why Women Shouldn’t Take Men Shopping

December 24, 2009

Wow, two blogs in a row? And, during the holidays no less!? Yep, that’s just the way I Rolo. (Weren’t those just the bomb back in the day? 😛 ) I even have another blog queued up for tomorrow, so trifecta hurr we come!

Anyway, this one’s for all y’all procrastinators out there! If you find yourself needing to shop today, on Christmas Eve, you must be outcho damn mind! 😉 But seriously, if you need to do a little last minute action, here’s a funny forward I received from a co-worker, to help get you in the mood. Enjoy!

Why Women Shouldn’t Take Men Shopping

Dear Mrs. Sugimoto, (name changed for realism 😉 )

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Sugimoto, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away”. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?” EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

And last, but certainly not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.” One of the clerks passed out.

————————

Talk to me!
* In the comment area below, post another funny thing “Mr. Sugimoto” could do at the store above. Be as creative as you can…

One more day ’til Christmas y’all! The post for tomorrow will contain more funnies. Until then… Shoots!

Men Are Just Happier People

November 2, 2009

Thought this one was pretty funny… And for those of you who were thinking of scoldin’ me for postin’ this, it was forwarded to me by wifey, so there! 😛

Enjoy gang. Hope y’all have a Happy Fun Day Monday! Even though my Phillies are in deep (DEEP!) trouble, I still wish you a good one! 😉 Nah, nah! Have a great week yo!

NOTE: D’oh! Was just told that sistah Shauna already posted this one so I’ve moved it to the bottom (for those who still want a giggle) and am now giving you new, bonus kine action up top! 😉 Enjoy!

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People What do you expect from such simple creatures?

* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can never be pregnant.
* You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
* You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* The world is your urinal…
* You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky..
* You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Same work, more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* Wedding dress: $5000. Tux rental: $100.
* People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
* New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet..
* One mood all the time.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat..
* You know stuff about tanks.
* A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase..
* You can open all your own jars.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
* Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You almost never have strap problems in public.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original color.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
* You only have to shave your face and neck.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
* You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
* You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

NICKNAMES

  1. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
  2. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

  1. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
  2. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

  1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
  2. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

  1. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
  2. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

  1. A woman has the last word in any argument.
  2. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

  1. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
  2. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

  1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  2. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

  1. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
  2. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

  1. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
  2. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

  1. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
  2. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

  1. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
  2. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

For a little fun, how about adding your own reason(s) (in the comment area below) why you think Men Are Just Happier People… 8) Here’s mine:

IMAGE

  1. A woman looks at other women and instantly compares herself to them.
  2. Men never look at other men. 8) Oh yeah! You like dat one yeah!? 😉

And please check out my new article: Koko Head Crater Trail Hike – Nature’s Stairmaster.

Koko Head Crater Trail Hike - Nature's Stairmaster
Koko Head Crater Trail Hike – Nature’s Stairmaster

Shoots!

P.S. Parts of my Shane Victorino interview will be airing on Tiny TV starting tonight at 10:30PM on OC16 (Oceanic Digital Channel 16 or HD Channel 1016). Check it out! 🙂

Fun Day Monday: You Know You’re Living in 2009 When…

June 15, 2009

Since we’re about half way through the year, I think it’s a good time as any to bust out a joke about the now. Enjoy y’all!

1.  You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
 
2.  You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
 
3.  You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
 
4.  You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
 
5.  Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
 
6.  You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
 
7.  Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
 
8.  Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
 
10.  You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
 
11.  You start tilting your head sideways to smile.  🙂
 
12.  You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.
 
13.  Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
 
14.  You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
 
15.  You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.
 
16.  And now you’re laughing at yourself.

Talk to me!
* Ahaha! So wot? Did you actually notice there was no #9? Be honest!
* Got any more to add to the list?

Fun Day Monday: Your Age By Chocolate Math

June 8, 2009

Since we’ve got a lot of chocolate lavahz up in hurr, here’s one I got via email that you may enjoy.

Chocolate Calculator:

This is pretty neat. Don’t say your age; you will probably lie anyway!

DON’T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST

It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read.

Be sure you don’t read the bottom until you’ve worked it out!

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 — I’ll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1759.  If you haven’t, add 1758.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2009) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS!

Talk to me!
* Did it work?
* Did this make you feel old? 8)
* Are you one of dem chocolate lavahz?
* How was your weekend?
* How’s your week lookin’ so far?
* Hope this put a smile on your face to start the week! 🙂

Fun Day Monday: Husband of the Year Awards

May 4, 2009

After reading last week’s Why Men Don’t Live As Long As Women post, bruddah che sent over this rebuttal for us men to enjoy. And although it’s not exactly a rebuttal (still seems to be written by a woman for other women), if you look at it in just the right way, it could turn your “Oh No She Di-ent” to “Oh Yeahhhh!” Haha! Ladies and Fellas, please enjoy the following equally. 😉

Husband of the Year Awards

The honorable mention goes to:

The United Kingdom

Husband of the Year Awards

…followed closely by The United States of America

Husband of the Year Awards

and then …………… Poland

Husband of the Year Awards

but 3rd Place must go to ……… Greece

Husband of the Year Awards

it was very very close but the runner up prize was awarded to….

…………. Serbia

Husband of the Year Awards

but the winner of the husband/partner of the year …… is ……..

Ireland

Ya gotta love the Irish.

Husband of the Year Awards

The Irish are true romantics. Look, he’s even holding her hand.

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now…. I never looked at it this way before:

Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with MEN?
MEN tal illness
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist
AND …
When we have REAL trouble, it’s a
HIS terectomy ..

Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.
Send this to all the men just to annoy them …….

Remember You Don’t Stop Laughing Because You Grow Old,
You Grow Old Because You Stop Laughing

Hope you enjoyed that one. Mahaloz again Bruddah che! Have a great week y’all!