I’m So Over It [Guest Blog by kuya.d]

by kuya.d

Once in awhile you just gotta vent it out (a la sistah Rosey), so for this Fave Five Friday edition let’s go against the flow and call it an “I’m So Over It Friday”. Get it off your chest! All those things, people, and topics that have been making you all “irrrimatated” … Vent it out people.

Just remember, this is a family show so let’s keep it classy and “G-rated”. We don’t want the Advertiser to give Ed the boot.

Here’s my “I’m So Over It” Five:

1. The singing Mayor – I don’t even have to name this guy and we know who it is. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a decent singer. I’d just rather have my mayor talking about key plans to improve the city, not finding his key on the magic mike.
2. Furlough Fridays – there’s like five left for the year … How about we just bunch um together and make Spring Break one week longer? Wait, didn’t they trim Spring Break by one week in order to keep the kids in school? What the?!
3. Brett Favre – just say you going play already cuz’. We all know you will. (And we know Ed is targeting you for his fantasy team).
4. “Prices differ in Hawaii” – weren’t we all stoked when Pizza H ran that “any size, any toppings all for ten dollars” ad? Then Bam! It costs us like sixteen dollars for the same deal. It ain’t costing six bucks more to make the same pie here in Hawaii. Price of Paradise and all … Puh-leeze!
5. Dude with the surgical mask – buddy, you ain’t the only one suffering in this economy. I’m sure if you really need the scripts for a good reason, somebody might help you. But please, stop messing with the safety of customers and employees.

And with that … I’m So Over. Whew! Thanks for hearing me out. Enjoy the weekend, and VHO7V Friday to y’all!

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kuya.d on da Front Page!

[Ed’s note: as mentioned by Chicken Grease and confirmed by this photo sent in by kuya.d, this blog made it to the front page of the Advertiser! Too funny! Wish they would do that more often for my regular blogs! Ha! Nah, congrats dewz!]

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The Guest Blog Schedule:

• THU 03/11 – Chicken Grease – “TheGrease and TheBus”
• FRI 03/12 – kuya.d – “I’m So Over It”
• MON 03/15 – JMAW – “Something like a Phenomenon”
• TUE 03/16 – frankie – “The Curse of the Murse”
• WED 03/17 – kako mochi – “Where in Oregon is kako mochi?”
• THU 03/18 – tweetpeep22 – “Online Dating Follies – Female Perspective”
• FRI 03/19 – S-Ticket – “Online Dating Follies – Male Perspective”
• MON 03/22 – tita leerz – “The Hawaii Visitor’s Survival Guide”
• TUE 03/23 – skycastles – “Otanjoubi Omedetou Gozaimasu Kurosawa-sama!”
• WED 03/24 – hemajang – “Where in Hawaii is hemajang?”
• THU 03/25 – uncle jimmy – “Grab One, Leave One, and Get Reel…”

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Guest Blog: Family Reunions: Characters Wanted [tita leerz]

First of all, mahalo much to Bruddah Ed for allowing me the honor to share my brain’s sporadic moments of mentalness! Man, this is harder than I thought. Anyways, so I was watching WWE wrestling the other night on USA and you know how they have that add, “Characters Wanted?” Well, that made the light bulb go on in my head! I thought, I am related to A LOT of characters. I’m sure all of you can relate cuz every family has at least one. If you can’t think of any members resembling some of mine, think again, it might just be you!

I have an Uncle “Frankie” (shout out to frankie!):  He’s like his name. Frank. His wise @ssness is a welcomed and refreshing ball of fun! He’s so free ken hee larry yus that you just wanna sit and talk story with him all night! Once in a while, you are also able to add your own  two cents into the pot of mental and sometimes politically incorrect conversations. Admit it. It’s what makes roasting marshmallows fun! Like me, his muse is his family. He can usually be heard making fun of the aunties mentioned below.

I not Hawaiian but Aunty Baling-Baling got da bracelets going all da way up her arm like she’s Wondah Woman! I swear, she could deflect any and all bullets coming at her in a drive by. If you in da wrong part of da hood, she’s da one you use as a shield, not Uncle Bla-lah. She clang clang so much. You know she just loves the attention. But in the back of my head, all her clang clang just reminds me of how my dogs’ tags go clang clang when they come running at meal time. I’ve also noticed that Aunty Bling is not the prettiest  aunty in the bunch. I wonder if she blings out to compensate. She’s also the same aunty who wears tight, COUGAR print clothes and forgets that she has back fat.

I also have an Aunty Carrie Yokie. Yes, she’s the one who thinks she coulddah been a contendah…on American Idol. Remember, I’m Filipino. We all can sing! NOT!  She wants to be the next Jasmine. Aunty sings…has a few good notes…then she TRIES Whitney! OH HECK NO! Now, I want to turn on the garden hose and shoot her down like that neighbor’s cat in heat sitting on your fence who is screeching all night long! Why, oh why, does she think that little karaoke microphone can transform the sound from her throat into heavenly tunes?

Oh, and you got the aunty who needs NO microphone. We got 100 people at the reunion and, because we’re Filipino, it just gets INSANELY loud! We’ve had PA systems in the past but if the MC is too slow, Aunty Big Mout will just make the announcement for you. And so happen, whatever comes out her mout, is usually incorrect. Like Aunty Carrie, I tink she just likes da sound of her own voice. Her husband can usually be found somewhere in a dark corner, cringing at the sound of her voice and cuddling with a little green bottle that would be considered contraband at said event. Uncle Shame can usually be found with Uncle Mo Shame and Uncle So Shame,  the husbands of Aunty Carry and Aunty Bling.

I also have an Uncle Nurse.  He likes to push ALL the cousins into the profession. I don’t think he realizes we can’t all be nurses. Some of my other cousins not so smart, you know what I mean? But really, some of us need to be lawyers and doctors. Over the years, we’ve learned to just avoid conversations with him. It’s hello and good bye. Never, under any circumstances, ask him an open ened question! It will always end up with him trying to get you to change majors or go back to school and do something God didn’t give you the passion for. No, he’s not a nurse, himself.  He used to be a teacher in the Philippines. No one really knows what he does now.

Then, there’s the grammy who grew pakalolo just cuz it was a pretty plant. Or so she says. She would tell us how happy it made her when she took care of her plant and pruned off the dried leaves. Nana Maria also has a sister who had a pakalolo plant. Or a few. But Nana Juana was akamai and knew that she could profit from this commodity of a plant which her sister was not aware of. Nana Lolo never had a job when she moved to Hawaii. Which is why cousins laugh when they realized the source of their weekly allowances from their grams was from illegal tradings!

And last but certainly not the least. There’s the cousin who is so irritating like a little yappy chihuahua, you just wanna slap him and tape his mouth shut! Cousin Ete is sometimes one in the same as the cousin who whines soo much you just wanna kick him around a little just for fun…or at least until his oloz drop.

Think me brutal? Well, friends, I KNOW YOU WAS LAFFING! Yes, this is what makes up a part of my family. Mind you, we purposely don’t serve alcohol at our reunion functions. But, at the end of the day, I think I would not have it any other way. Because, if my family dynamic was anything less, reunions would just be too boring! And, thank the Heavens, I have a family that I can love and make fun of! So, share with the rest of us your stories of your family dynamics. Give us a good laugh that will hold us over this long holiday weekend! Happy 4th everyone. And a special shout out to all those, past and present, who’ve fought and still fight for this great country of ours!

Guest Blog: Cine-ma-tic Per-spec-tive [uncle jimmy]

As I’m currently in da B.I. as you read this, our beloved uncle jimmy has graciously accepted the treacherous task of guest blogging today. Mahalos ah ooj! And in true uncle jimmy fashion, he has named this one with his own, unique language: Personal Pers-pec-tive… a movie survey of sorts… Please send your WWE love and leave your feedback for him below. Shoots!

What was the first movie(s) that you remember seeing as a young kid?
What movies do you remember seeing in high school? Did you go drive-ins?
What movies do you watch whenever they show up on TV?
Is there a movie that always makes you laugh? Cry?
What’s your fave movie of all time? Why?
Do you have a fave scene or quote from that movie?

Here’s mine!

What was the first movie(s) that you remember seeing as a young kid?
– Probably Jaws!

What movies do you remember seeing in high school? Did you go drive-ins?
– Mo’ Money, White Men Can’t Jump and Wayne’s World. And drive-ins? What’s dat? 😛

What movies do you watch whenever they show up on TV?
– Any of the Austin Powers movies. Mrs. Doubtfire is another good one. LOL!

Is there a movie that always makes you laugh? Cry?
– Laugh: Harold and Kumar or anything with Will Ferrell. Cry = LOL!

What’s your fave movie of all time? Why?
– Hmm… that’s a tough question. Gotta go look at my DVD collection. Rudy is the only one that pops in my head right now. Hehe!

Do you have a fave scene or quote from that movie?
– Not really, but I have fave quotes from other movies that can’t be repeated here. Ahahaha!

Mahaloz Ooj!

So how about it? Show uncle jimmy your love!