by tweetpeep22
Dating… Something not to worry about in high school, something to try in college, and hopefully get better at in your 20s… For me? That’s not exactly the route I took, lol. I didn’t date much at all. One bf for all of high school… and I spent a good portion of my 20s in an unhealthy relationship… So now at 30 what am I to expect in the dating scene? Well, let’s just say at this point I think I’ve kept an open mind and my open mindedness actually started a year or so ago when friends encouraged me to try online dating. I’m clueless when it comes to dating to begin with (a family member even gave me a dating for dummies book) and to jump into online dating seemed scary. My previous experiences included just meeting someone thru friends… and online dating meant meeting a complete stranger thru the computer.
So just starting a profile on this site was QUITE tedious. After getting thru the long questionnaire and getting thru all the formalities of the site, (working on your profile, multiple choice questions, and EVEN essay questions — lots to do, right?), you can finally communicate freely via email.
But regardless of all that “formality,” what really makes all the difference is meeting in person. Chemistry is an important factor in meeting someone in person. Sure, emailing is a good way to get to know someone, but what is it like to actually spend time with them? Some people say that chemistry is overrated and can be developed over time, but I also have to argue that chemistry can’t be forced either.
So over time I met a handful of matches in person. I don’t really call it a date since I feel like “date” is such a loaded word, lol. It’s more of what I like to call “meet and greets.”
Now in the spirit of open mindedness, I’ve gone on meet and greets that have turned out to be interesting… I can’t help but wonder if they’re answering the questions honestly or giving answers that they think I want to hear. And the only reason I started realizing this was that when I started getting to know the guys by either email or talking on the phone or meeting in person, they weren’t the same person they portrayed themself to be online.
One of the first matches reminded me of one of my uncles which was just weird. In emailing and in phone conversations we got along well I thought, but when we met in person I couldn’t help but think he looked like a younger version of my uncle, lol. And that’s not a jab at the guy or my uncle, but even his mannerisms and non-verbal communications were TOO similar to that of my uncle. It was uncanny and just too weird.
One match wanted to meet for coffee and then go to the gym. well now, that’s not exactly what I had in mind as something to do to get to know someone. But in the spirit of open mindedness, why not? He had his own specific regimen that he wanted to stick to so I guess to keep the conversation and getting to know you stuff going I followed him around the gym, but got bored with that and started to do my own thing. But in between he’d ask questions about what recipes I know how to cook, if I wanted to join his non-profit group, and if my friends were ugly. That question bothered me more than anything, what kind of question is that to even ask? When I didn’t answer, he pressed on, that I would have to know whether or not my friends were prettier than me or not and I just sneered at the question. Granted the way he talked mostly about his non-profit group made me feel like he was more interested in recruiting me to join it.
And another meet and greet revolved around this guy’s sleeping schedule and groceries in the fridge. He preferred to sleep early and actually be in bed by 9 pm, which required dinner to be a bit early. However, dinner was changed to just meeting up for dessert around 7:30 pm because he had leftovers in the fridge that he didn’t want to go to waste. Then I wondered why he even made plans for dinner then if he had rice he didn’t want to spoil and had to be in bed by 9 pm?
Some meet and greets never really get off the ground and just end when the emails stop. Once someone sent me what I can only believe to be a “drunk email” because not one sentence made sense. It was hilarious. Someone also addressed me as milf in an email and well that wasn’t exactly something I found appropriate.
Haven’t we ALL heard the phrase “small world” or “this rock is just too small?” Well that applies to online dating, too. With the majority of the people I was matched with there was some small world connection. hmm… I’ve been matched w/someone who I didn’t know graduated high school with me, a friend’s co-worker, a friend’s ex-in-law, or even my friend’s brother!
Oh well, it’s not to say that all my experiences had a weird twist to it. I did have some fairly good experiences, too… One felt like I was with a good friend more than anything and we hung out with a few times, but that would be as far as it went. And there were meet and greets where the fella was just not interested in me and that’s to be expected. But in all cases, it helped me learn more about myself. I learned what I liked SPECIFICALLY about a guy by trying to look at the positives in each meet and greet. It’s not as simple as finding a guy that can make me laugh. It’s definitely not as simple as the commercials make it seem.
I also learned to take the bad (disappointment) in with the good. Of course it made me realize that what I may have wanted in my 20s is not exactly what I want in my 30s. I just started my 30s… but I do feel different than my 20s. I’m more confident in where my life is going to some degree; I have a career that I find interesting and enjoy and I know I’m trying to do the best I can with my FULL TIME job as mom – that’s the most I can hope for myself right now. 🙂
In trying all this online dating, part of me wondered how I was going to explain this to my dad, lol. I’ve heard his opinion of online dating. He thinks there are crazies out there on the Internet. my dad will always be a dad and worry for me & my sibs, even in our 40s. but I guess I have learned not to judge something I never tried. So at least I can say I tried it. And hopefully convince my dad to try it, too ha ha ha…
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The Guest Blog Schedule:
- THU 03/11 – Chicken Grease – “TheGrease and TheBus”
- FRI 03/12 – kuya.d – “I’m So Over It”
- MON 03/15 – JMAW – “Something like a Phenomenon”
- TUE 03/16 – frankie – “The Curse of the Murse”
- WED 03/17 – kako mochi – “Where in Oregon is kako mochi?”
- THU 03/18 – tweetpeep22 – “Online Dating Follies – Female Perspective”
- FRI 03/19 – S-Ticket – “Online Dating Follies – Male Perspective”
- MON 03/22 – tita leerz – “The Hawaii Visitor’s Survival Guide”
- TUE 03/23 – skycastles – “Otanjoubi Omedetou Gozaimasu Kurosawa-sama!”
- WED 03/24 – hemajang – “Where in Hawaii is hemajang?”
- THU 03/25 – uncle jimmy – “Grab One, Leave One, and Get Reel…”
World Wide Ed 