Posts Tagged ‘David Hasselhoff’

The Curse of the Murse [Guest Blog by frankie]

March 16, 2010

frankie
by frankie

So, the other day The Frankie was rollin’ through the Las Vegas MGM hotel with a gangsta lean and was gobsmacked and mortified by the scene before him… a man carrying his woman’s purse!

Full disclosure: The Frankie has been known on occasion to “protect” his wife’s purse for her while she’s, ahem, powdering her nose at a public restroom. It’s a matter of simple courtesy! (And besides, like learning to squeeze your butt cheeks together before every sneeze, being kind to your woman is an essential survival skill when it comes to navigating the treacherous waters of relationships.) However, this homie was holding her purse and walking with it while she strode aside him simultaneously empty handed and yet with both hands holding a death grip on his boiled eggs. I instantly poured a little liquor on the ground from the 40 oz. I was carrying in honor of yet another ninja lost to the curse of the Murse a.k.a. the Male Purse.

Editor’s note: the current use of the term Murse in this post is not to be confused with the term murse, which can be applied to male nurses, male curses (such as David Hasselhoff) and male purses (large bags designed for men), because this Murse is not a purse for men, but rather a Male Purse accessory for women.

Note the distinction, my friends and frenemies, because trust me when I tell you that it is better to be an asset rather than an accessory. While there is never a relationship that is truly equal, you would rather have the balance be 51% vs. 49% instead of 90% vs. 10% because in order to love her, you must also be able to love yourself first. And you can’t love yourself if you cease to exist. So, my ninjas, are you a Murse? Here’s a little quiz! You get one point for every “yes” answer to the following questions:

  1. Instead of painting her nails, does she paint yours?
  2. Have you ever changed the TV station from a college football or basketball game without her asking you to when she sits down on the couch next to you?
  3. Do her girlfriends ask you for dating advice?
  4. Have you ever participated in a Bikram Yoga or Pilates session?
  5. Have you had a slice of vegetarian pizza in the past month?
  6. Did you ever do the fast clapping part in the “Friends” TV show theme song?

Results!

  • 0-1 points – See you at the next BJ Penn fight. IMUA!
  • 2-3 points – Sorry, friend, but the store is called Ann Taylor, not Mann Taylor
  • 4-5 points – OMG! When is the Sex and the City sequel coming out?!
  • 6 points – Nice Hello Kitty tattoo there, son!

But all kidding aside, homies, you do not want your life to be relegated to that of an accessory. One of the purposes of a relationship is to push your wife or girlfriend to be a better person and you cannot do that if you are spending all of your time under her feet instead of by her side. You also do not want to wake up one day and find yourself unfulfilled with the life of a Murse.

So be strong, my ninjas. Beware the curse of the Murse! The next time a girl tries to make you into a Murse, pretend like she’s a girl who shops at Hot Topic and run for your life!

The Guest Blog Schedule:

  • THU 03/11 – Chicken Grease – “TheGrease and TheBus”
  • FRI 03/12 – kuya.d – “I’m So Over It”
  • MON 03/15 – JMAW – “Something like a Phenomenon”
  • TUE 03/16 – frankie – “The Curse of the Murse”
  • WED 03/17 – kako mochi – “Where in Oregon is kako mochi?”
  • THU 03/18 – tweetpeep22 – “Online Dating Follies – Female Perspective”
  • FRI 03/19 – S-Ticket – “Online Dating Follies – Male Perspective”
  • MON 03/22 – tita leerz – “The Hawaii Visitor’s Survival Guide”
  • TUE 03/23 – skycastles – “Otanjoubi Omedetou Gozaimasu Kurosawa-sama!”
  • WED 03/24 – hemajang – “Where in Hawaii is hemajang?”
  • THU 03/25 – uncle jimmy – “Grab One, Leave One, and Get Reel…”
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Strange Noises In the Potty

May 5, 2009

A recent trip to the little boy’s room made me recall a humorous conversation/debate I had with wifey and her friends a while back. At some point during that conversation, it took a downward spiral (probably thanks to me) as we discussed the riveting topic of bathroom etiquette. Curiously, I axed the shy sistahs if they actually made “noise” when handling’ their bidness at a public restroom.

You should’ve seen the cold stare (not to mention the deafening silence) I got from that one. Sheez.

Upon returning from the death stare and silence, they asked me, “Why!? Do YOU!?!?”

Now if you know anything about me, I’m all about honesty. No shame! So I gave it to them:

“Of course! Why not!? I don’t know any of these people, and, even if I did, who cares? It’s human nature! It’s unhealthy to hold it in!”

[insert more cold stares and silence in addition to crinkled noses and “Ewwwwwws!”]

I continued…

“BUT… at work it’s a different story. If somebody saw me going in, or they know I’m in thurr, I try and hold back shmall kine.”

There’s just a different set of rules for work potty usage no? Ya gotsta stay professional up in the heezy. I don’t exactly want the trumpet to blow while one of the execs sits in the stall next to me. That’s just weird. Plus it might affect my year end reviews. 😉

There’s also a timing strategy involved. (Eh, no laugh! I know you got the same strategy! *grin*) You gotta make sure that anybody in the bat’chroom with you is gonedos before you make your grand exit. There’s nothing worse than playing a virtual virtuoso of noises in the stall, only to step out to a bunch of glaring/inquisitive co-worker eyes who were wondering who that Dizzy Gillespie-wannabe was tooting in the stall. LOL!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not exactly a noise maker extraordinaire, but sometimes ya just gotsta let loose, ya heard? After all, it’s not very good for your health… 😛

(… I still can’t believe I just wrote about this topic. Apologies… 8) )

Talk to me…
* Do you make noise?
* Is your strategy different at work than it is in public?
* How about at home? In front of your spouse/mate/roommate/parents?
* What about farts? Same rules apply?
* Any other bathroom etiquette rules you live by?
* Is this entire blog just wrong?

In the News…/Hijacking Topics
* Dancing with the Stars
* The Biggest Loser
* American Idol Final Four picks
* X-Men Origins: Wolverine
* NBA Playoffs (Goooooooooo Magic! Whew! That was a close one!)
* LeBron James’ MVP Honor
* R.I.P. Jack Kemp
* David Cook’s brother dies of cancer
* David Hasselhoff rushed to hospital

Have a good “Happy Boys’ Day” Tuesday!