Posts Tagged ‘christmas shopping’

Why Women Shouldn’t Take Men Shopping

December 24, 2009

Wow, two blogs in a row? And, during the holidays no less!? Yep, that’s just the way I Rolo. (Weren’t those just the bomb back in the day? 😛 ) I even have another blog queued up for tomorrow, so trifecta hurr we come!

Anyway, this one’s for all y’all procrastinators out there! If you find yourself needing to shop today, on Christmas Eve, you must be outcho damn mind! 😉 But seriously, if you need to do a little last minute action, here’s a funny forward I received from a co-worker, to help get you in the mood. Enjoy!

Why Women Shouldn’t Take Men Shopping

Dear Mrs. Sugimoto, (name changed for realism 😉 )

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Sugimoto, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away”. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?” EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

And last, but certainly not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.” One of the clerks passed out.

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Talk to me!
* In the comment area below, post another funny thing “Mr. Sugimoto” could do at the store above. Be as creative as you can…

One more day ’til Christmas y’all! The post for tomorrow will contain more funnies. Until then… Shoots!

Last Minute Christmas Shopping? Duck Soup!

December 1, 2006

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Content for this article is very dated. Many links will not work.]

If you’re anything like me, your brain has not yet started to fathom the fact that Christmas is right around the corner. Still hazy from the turkey leftovers that seem to return in every form and fashion, you convince yourself that there’s still planny time to do your shopping.

The reality is that there isn’t. C-Day: Monday, December 25, 2006 is like, right around the corner! Holy Kris Kringle, Batman!

Lucky for you, The Ed is here to save you and your valued relationships yet again. Come with me as we explore a few, last minute Christmas shopping options for us berry belated individuals.

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Shop.AroundHawaii.com

Shop.AroundHawaii.com
If you click the Marketplace button on this site, you’ll reach AroundHawaii.com’s Marketplace, an online shopping site for chic Hawaii products. No tiki torches or geeky aloha print shirts here… Just hip apparel and entertainment goods dope enough to give as gifts to locals and locals-at-heart.

Powered by our friends at e808, the selection of truly “local” products is mind-boggling. You can purchase apparel from Kai Clothing, Maiden Hawaii and even exclusive stuff from the Duke Kahanamoku collection, among others.

Kai Clothing Special!
During the month of December, BUY 3 KAI CLOTHING TEES, GET THE 4TH FREE!
(Purchase 4 Kai Clothing tees, and within five business days, 1 tee will be refunded back to your credit card. You will receive an emailed credit receipt within five business days.):: BUY 3 GET THE 4TH FREE! ::

 
And what about local kine books like “The 50 Greatest Hawai`i Music Albums of All-Time,” “Israel Kamakawiwo’ole ‘IZ: The Songbook Collection’ Sheet Music,” “Eddie Would Go,” “Pidgin To Da Max,” or cookbooks from our great island chefs: Sam Choy, Roy Yamaguchi, Alan Wong, Dave “DK” Kodama and Elmer Guzman.

Not enough? How about the cheapest local CDs around for $11.98!? You can find CDs from your island favorites like the Makaha Sons, Israel Kamakawiwoole, Jack Johnson, Jake Shimabukuro, Kealii Reichel, Kalapana, Natural Vibrations, Hapa, Keahiwai and more

How about DVDs from Rell Sunn, Israel Kamakawiwoole, Jake Shimabukuro, Augie T, Bu La’ia, Rap Reiplinger, Mel Cabang, Andy Bumatai and Da Braddahs or miscellaneous goodies like Coffees from Hawaii, Island Home and Kitchen products, Stickers & Things and Calendars from Kim Taylor Reece? Yep, these are all available from the comfort of your own home, but be sure to order early! With the Christmas rush, e808.com recommends ordering before the following dates in order to get your products delivered by Christmas:

Order by:

  • 12/15 via Priority Mail or
  • 12/18 via Express Mail

 

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Oceanic Mall

Oceanic Mall
Don’t have a computer? Why not give the Oceanic Mall on Digital Channel 001 a whirl? Powered by Fulfillment Werks, the Oceanic Mall empowers you to browse products from popular merchants around the island through the magic of your digital cable enabled television.

Merchants like McCully Bicycle, Paradise Florists, SWAM (Shiroma’s Wine and More), Island Mall, Wholesale Unlimited and RainBowTique offer a bevy of products that you can browse through and ultimately order through a posted telephone number. Phase 2, with real time credit card transaction through your TV is currently scheduled for 2007. To get to the Oceanic Mall,

  1. Tune to Oceanic Digital Channel 001
  2. Select Marketplace
  3. Select Mall

Don’t have Digital Cable? Call (808) 643-2337 to order today.

Jan Nadamoto of Fulfillment Werks also suggests placing your order at least 2 weeks prior to Christmas in order to receive your products in time for the holidays.

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Oceanic.com Marketplace

Oceanic.com Marketplace
Similar to the Oceanic Mall on Channel 001, the Oceanic.com Marketplace allows you to browse from the UH RainBowTique and Wholesale Unlimited product lines – using your Internet connected computer – and place orders using a posted telephone number. Secure, online ordering is scheduled to become available shortly after the Oceanic Mall version.

The Oceanic Food Court

The Oceanic Food Court (also in the Oceanic.com Marketplace), however, is fully interactive as we speak. Just punch in a few details about your Oceanic Account or come here after logging into MyAccount and BAM! you’re added to the mix… with essence! Choose items from Cybee Restaurant’s or Flamingo Pearl City’s or Pizza Hut’s menu and have them delivered after placing your order online. But Ed, what does having food delivered to me have to do with my last minute Christmas shopping? Ah, details. Let’s just call it a Christmas present to yourself and move on shall we… ? 😉

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Actually, that’s pretty much all I’ve got to report to you for this month regarding last minute Christmas shopping through Oceanic Time Warner Cable’s array of products and services. Well, you can always, as they say, give the gift of cable… which ranges from Digital Cable Service, Road Runner, Digital Phone, DVR, etc. Oceanic’s offers for the month of December are as follows FYI (find the complete details on these at whatsnew.oceanic.com):

  • Order Road Runner or Digital Phone and get HBO and HBO On Demand for $7 more per month for the first 6 months.
  • Order Road Runner and get the First Month Free
  • Order Digital Phone and receive Free Installation and Your First Month Free
  • Order DVR Self-Install and get the First Month Free
  • Get DVR for $4.95 per month for 6 months.

Call 643-2337 to order any of the above for yourself or as gifts.

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One last hint for you extremely late gift givers… Once you pass the cut-off dates mentioned above and start sweating in your shorts about what to do, why not give the electronic superstores a looksee. Many of them, like BestBuy and Circuit City, have In-Store pick-up options so you can browse for and place your order online, and then physically pick it up without having to go through the whole rigmarole of looking for the product at the store and standing in line to purchase it.

Good luck with your shopping folks… Which reminds me… I have to get crack-a-lackin’ on mine! Yikes! Have a happy holiday season with your friends and family gang. I’ll see you here again next year!